I'm lazy, unmotivated and a procrastinator...

Where have I been?

Brienaki@hotmail.com — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 08:13:14 GMT

Wow, I haven't posted here in almost two years. Where have I been? Obviously doing something else. I'll have to start posting again. Atleast start posting something more interesting then this though.

Cleaning the House

Brienaki@hotmail.com — Sat, 18 Aug 2007 01:13:54 GMT

Once you enter my house your immediately confronted with the fact that there is a lot of crap in here. Not just the literal little piles the ferrets have left hidden under the couch or between the bookcase and the wall. No, there is just a lot of junk, stacked against the walls and piled on the dining room table. Knick-Knacks sit everywhere. Cute little bird houses and wooden plaques with funny sayings like ‘If Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.’ This would all be fine in little doses but put altogether, it looks like we’re eighty year old spinsters who pile newspapers and old Tupperware containers because heaven knows we can find some use for them some where!

As to be expected, when you have two people who suffer from depression, we had a breakdown and last weekend was it. There was more then just the house that was bothering my Mom, it just happened to be the catalyst. My Mom called me up from downstairs crying, ‘The house is too much, I can’t handle this.’ She decided we should move in with her husband Mike. The thought of moving horrified me but I was quick to support her.

While Mom spent the night at Mike’s house, I busied myself cleaning. Nothing was safe; I took down the knick-knacks in the kitchen. Deciding what would stay and what had to go. If something could not be cleaned easily or had no use I would toss it. Floors were cleaned, ceilings were dusted for cobwebs, the wood cupboards were polished and everything was found a place to be.

Four days of work and I was done… with the kitchen. By now Mom had calm down and realized this was manageable. We could work with what we had. So now we’re not moving.

I am so not a cook.

Brienaki@hotmail.com — Fri, 10 Aug 2007 07:07:27 GMT

I do not enjoy the smell of baked kiwis, in fact it makes me feel quite nauseous. I learned this the hard way by not checking to make sure there were no more items in the stove before I turned it on. My mom (having run out of room in the cupboards), had decided to put some kiwis, mangos and oranges away in the stove, for the purpose of keeping the dogs from getting them. But seeing as how the dogs have never gone after fruit is a question I will have to ask her in the future.

The end result of being hungry and wanting to make a few chicken strips, ended in some horrible smelling, frothing kiwis, that are now stuck to the bottom of the oven. And I get to spend tomorrow scrubbing all of it off. I am so not looking forward to that. At least mom finds this amusing; she will quite enjoy telling this tale to the family even thou it is not much of a tale to tell but I look forwards to hearing all the nice embellishments.

Burrs and Artist's Way

Brienaki@hotmail.com — Sun, 05 Aug 2007 07:43:45 GMT

Yesterday was spent picking burrs out of Marcellus's fur. Marcellus, as you probably don't know is an australian Shepherd, kind of like this one. He was just covered in them. In nineteen years of life I have never seen a burr in the cities. Outside the city on farms, yes, but never in the city. I don't know where he's getting them. My Mom suspects it's in the neighbors yard because he never gets them when running thru our yard. Poor dog, he was not happy.

Have any of you read the Artist's Way by Julia Cameron? The book helps you become more creative. I'm on week two in the course but I keep forgetting to do the morning pages. Writing three pages of nothing is hard, especially when my hand keeps cramping. I wonder if I'm getting anything out of this book. I'll keep plugging along, although I keep wanting to start each week over because I can never remember to do the exercises. But once I start going back I know I'll eventually stop working on it altogether.

I really wasn't in the mood to write today but I wanted to show off my new icon I made. It's one of the only icons that I made that I actually like. I wasted way too much time on it.

My Mice are Gone

Brienaki@hotmail.com — Wed, 01 Aug 2007 05:21:45 GMT

Hugo got himself stuck in the bag of cat food. I had released him the night before because his brother Hubert had escaped from their cage. Deer mice are hard to keep caged, they can get out of anything. They also don't like being alone, I felt horrible for keeping Hugo caged all by himself and I didn't really want to go out and buy a fancy mouse especially if they'd kill eachother.

Then I got home from watching my neighbors kids and there he was in the bag. This was how I caught him and his brother before, except they were in a bag of dog food, my mother had rolled up. I tipped the bag and he ran off under a bunch of crap we keep stored on the porch. I'll most likely see him again tomorrow and the day after that.

Wasting time...

Brienaki@hotmail.com — Tue, 31 Jul 2007 09:46:34 GMT

Thanks to blogforbooksfor posting about Librarything.com, I spent all yesterday entering my books. Even had to upgrade the account in order to keep adding. If there's one thing I like it's lists. Listing is a form a procrastination for me. Have something to do? Make a list of everything that needs to be done, then realize there's no more time to do anything you have listed.

Over 500 books and counting. But I have to try and restrain myself today, my Mom's birthday is tomorrow and I haven't made her a gift. I'm not sure what I'll do this year. I usually make her a card, or draw a picture. I miss my younger years where I just regift things around the house, putting some candles and books I'd find, tie a ribbon, with a few clay items I made generally for myself. Giving people gifts when you were seven was easier, you only thought about yourself and what you'd like.

My Mom spent the Saturday making a slideshow for her Step-daughter's, Carrie's, birthday. She really got into it. So I was thinking I'd make her a slideshow of pictures but I don't think I could whip one out in a day, so maybe for Christmas. I'm falling back on my idea to write her a letter. I really want to thank her for everything she's done for me. It's one of those things you just want to tell a person but it sounds odd when you do... I'll have to think some more on this. Every year it's the same thing, I wait until the very last minute to make her something, and she's still happy with my gift, that's only one reason I want to thank her.

Okay I'm up

Brienaki@hotmail.com — Mon, 30 Jul 2007 00:09:38 GMT

Woke up at 4pm. I would of slept longer but my Mom called me, wanting to know if I was up yet. I’m feeling pretty good for have stayed up twenty-four hours and then sleeping for eight. This is not really going to affect me to much as I have a screwed up sleep schedule anyway. I could sleep the whole day away if I didn’t have things to do, feed the dogs, make sure the cats aren’t fighting, letting neighbors dog out, etc…

I plan on doing the blogathon next year but will I remember when it is? It was only a fluke that I happened to stubble upon it. I'll have to make a reminder for myself.

Sponsors

Brienaki@hotmail.com — Sat, 28 Jul 2007 06:52:36 GMT

I've spent most the day trying to get organized for the blogathon. Keyword here is 'trying', meaning sitting on my ass thinking I should actually do something. I'm not used to doing stuff like this. I'm not used to entertaining people which is what I know I need to do if I want to get anymore sponsors. Well anyway,

My Mom sent out an email around her work for me asking for people to sponsor me. Unfortunately at that time I didn’t know people had to sign up and these weren’t really the people that would take the little extra effort to sign in and pledge. So my Mom thought it would be a good idea if I went in and spoke with people face to face.

‘It doesn’t sound good to ask for money in an email.’

I agreed with her so we decide I’d go into her work Thursday. She suggested taking Lenne are once hairless ferret to show what we do. We take in and rescue ferrets, although Lenne wasn’t a rescue, we got her form Petco. I know horrible isn’t it. So I picked out one of our more easy going ferrets to go with her and the winner was Watanuki. He crawled in the carrier on his own.

I could never work at a brokerage firm or at least this one my Mom’s at, it’s so blah. The carpets grey, the walls are this beige cream mess and the cubicles are all centered in the middle so you have to walk a long way round to my Mom’s cubicle. There’s not much in the way of artwork not like my Mom’s old job where there were sculptures and paintings littering every empty space, now that was a nice place even the carpet was a dark blue grey, and the walls were glass.

Unfortunately it was a rather warm day and even inside the building it was warm, poor Watanuki spent most the time with his tongue out. The zippers on the carrier kept coming loose so I spent my time trying to fix that as I didn’t want them getting loose. There were so people there that did not like animals. I let Lenne and Wata roam around my Mom’s cubicle, their favorite part was finding the trash. Lenne sat still listening for a long time. People would stop by to see them, of course I didn’t do the one thing I came to do, get sponsors, ugh…

I did get three sponsors. One was even from a guy who disliked animals. Before he shook my hand, he gave me some hand sanitizer. All and all I got around two hundred dollars pretty good for only get 3 sponsors. I’ll have to work on some thank you cards. They donated more then I thought they would.

The day was cut short. The ferrets were getting to hot and the carrier was not working. My grandfather picked me up and brought me back home, where Watanuki and Lenne promptly fell asleep and so did I.

Random Post

Brienaki@hotmail.com — Fri, 13 Jul 2007 09:03:29 GMT

Wow I haven't been using this have I? I have been thinking to much about posting but I never actually get around to doing it. So why haven't I posted? I still have a little anxiety and feel foolish about doing stuff on whims. But recently I did just that, I am now a particapant in Blogathon 2007 . 4theloveofpetsis the journal I will be posting too. I created it just for the fact I know my family would be dropping in and I'm not sure I would like them reading this journal, no matter how few posts I have.

Tuesday I got the results for my GED, I passed! Yay! What's even more great is I got a perfect 800 on the social studies part. A perfect score, 50 questions right! Although I have to say it's not much to brag about, you had most the answers right there it was just a matter of crossing the absured ones out.

Well I got to get to sleep it's almost 4 in the morning, hopefully I'll start posting more often.

Six Years and going... but not as strong

Brienaki@hotmail.com — Tue, 02 Jan 2007 11:49:07 GMT

Anxiety has left me weak, starved for the ability to hold my own in a conversation, to break all my habits and blocks that I have created to protect myself. The years of solitude hiding from the people I thought would laugh and call me stupid. Because of the anxiety and panic attacks, I never went to high school. My Mom home schooled me eighth grade and then I began teaching myself.

Six years I spent on the internet, five of those were spent reading fanfiction and four of those were reading bad porn, correction, bad anime slash porn, with questionable accuracies in the terms of anatomy and physics. Now I question what I have learned in those six years and how much of it was actually factual and not some dumbass trying to sound half way intelligent. In doing this I have essential created my own worst fear of being stupid.

But luckily I’m an avid reader. Not just of the fanfiction variety, my love of books stems through every genre from history, to fantasy to crime. So for not having gone to school I made out okay in the intelligence department. My grandfather keeps me on my toes always asking me what I think of current situations in the world. And I often learn some interesting things from him. He seems to have the ability to retain every thing he reads.

I never realized just how crippling anxiety was till I got on medication and the weight of the fear and panic was lifted. Leaving me now with no where to go. My life had been spent locked in my room, avoiding contact with people. Now that the barriers have gotten smaller, the possibilities have gotten bigger.